We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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