I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
