At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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