weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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