They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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