just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
