why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
