So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
