I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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