im six kinds of drunk right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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