Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
True strength comes from lack of pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
