I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
