You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
