The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
3 2 1 whiskey
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
