There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
