My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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