We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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