Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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