Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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