yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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