Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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