I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
