The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
