i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
