dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
