You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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