its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
