I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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