You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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