Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
