he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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