I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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