respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
