just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
