wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
