That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
