those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
