Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
