I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
