Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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