And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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