i just made my gag reflex go away.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
