Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
where are my eyebrows?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
