I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
