dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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