She's JV to your varsity
I haven't been this sober since birth.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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