speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
