Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
