Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
