McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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