So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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