i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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