how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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