In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
