I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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