And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
