Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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