..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
