Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
