1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
