I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
