Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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