go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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