Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
