ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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