are you still at the devil's house?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
