my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
