I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
