Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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