You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how drunk are you?
Several
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize