I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
