If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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